So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i think i scared a bird with my dick
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
