his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
