Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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