dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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