Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
