Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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