ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
