come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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