so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
