dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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