I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
