Banned from zoo.
Again?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
