Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
