i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
