I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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