I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
