a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
