Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize