Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
