420 ftw
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
