Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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