Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
