we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
