Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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