Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
