Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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