Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Less talking, more tequila
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
