well I can't set my house on fire every night
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
