Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
