i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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