doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
