So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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