He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
