First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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