Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
