Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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