WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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