i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
