Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
