So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
