Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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