I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Randomize