White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
