Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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