i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
