There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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