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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
being pregnant is like rehab
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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