it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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