I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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