Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
