PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
