...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize