is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
