Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
