Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
