just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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