my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
