come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
