I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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