Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize