I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
