Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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