just tell him i said nine months
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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