i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
