Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
