i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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