The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
