my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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