I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
