I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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