a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
