I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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