I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
