Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
