it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
