My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
