went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
