I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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