I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
