Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
