Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
