When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
