I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize