I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
