I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
