I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
