Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Randomize
