What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
