Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
