I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize